A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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