Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
