very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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