I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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