She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
