Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
