i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They took my balls.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
