you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the condom got lost in my hair
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
