Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
