And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
