he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
