She is in my trunk
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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