I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
