it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
