I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
