I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
