Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
