Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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