mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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