we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
