Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My vagina just clenched in fear
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
