OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
