I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
