I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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