hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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