Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
