I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
