Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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