So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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