My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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