I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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