I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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