It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
