all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
