on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
