you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
