you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
