I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
