just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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