when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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