a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He felt like a one man threesome
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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