I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
