whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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