from now on my penis is your penis
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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