im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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