So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
