dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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