just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
