He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
