did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
