and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
