he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
