new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she told me i tasted like america
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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