one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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