When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
