Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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