you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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