imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
